Tears, tantrums and joy

Working from home can seem like the perfect solution for parents - if you are considering this please read my pros and cons before you make up your mind:

Pros

>Work can be more flexible and fit in with your family lifestyle

>If you can work around your kids routines and your partner helps out you may not need childcare

>You will save money on childcare and travel costs - also on office rental if you are self-employed

>You may find it easier to concentrate as there are no work colleagues to distract you

Cons

>If your kids are not yet at school it may prove difficult to do your work around their routines.  They do not always stick to their routines and certainly do not understand that they can’t interrupt you while you are working

>There is of course children’s school holidays to consider also

>Visitors coming along your home and phone calls can also be an unwanted distractions

>You may find it more difficult to switch off from work and relax as it is in your own home

Working from home can be very successful for many parents.  It all really depends how many hours you are expecting to be able to work each day and how you organise your time.  You must be honest with yourself at the start and not expect yourself to perform miracles.  You cannot do a full day’s work at home while directly supervising young children.  You may be able to fit in a few hours and maybe some again at night when they are sleeping.  Partners and parents may be able to help out with childcare to allow you to work.  If your children are at the school this obviously makes working from home a more viable option.  You must organise your time well and be very disciplined as it is easy to get distracted with other things while in your own home.

Please visit my website at:

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy

I want to bring every moms attention to the area of sleep.  I had my child and for the first year or so tried to carry on my routine as I usually did staying up late and getting up early.  The only difference was before I used to have week-ends of when I could catch up on my sleep - now of course my work was 24/7.

I know as a mother it is very tempting to stay up late once your child has gone to bed and catch up on chores or relax and watch TV or whatever .  This is a time in the day were you can get on with things with no interruptions.  I am also very aware of children having disturbed sleep at times or just not being very good sleepers and am aware this can drive you nuts!!

I am not advocating that mothers should feel bad if they can not get enough sleep as there are clearly times when this is not possible.  I am however asking you to look at your current lifestyle and see if you could make any changes to improve this area.  I have begun doing this and can’t believe how much better I feel.  It has taken some self discipline not to stay up at nights and do things but I have found if I have so much more energy through the day now that I can get all the tasks done and more.

I guarantee that if you make an effort in this area you will be amazed with the results it not only improves you energy levels but also gives you a much more positive outlook on life.

Please visit my website  at :

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

The most important piece of advice I can give any parent here is to wait until your child is ready.  It never ceases to amaze me how many people ignore this fundamental piece of advice.  They start trying to toilet train children far too early, the process goes on for ever and the poor child is made to feel like he is doing something wrong when in truth he does not understand what he is supposed to do.  The parent obviously gets stressed with all the extra work and frustrated that it is taking so long.  This is all done by well meaning parents who have heard that your child must start toilet training at 2.  It  is widely accepted by people that children all start talking and walking at different ages but for some reason when it comes to toilet training people still seem to believe that  their child should be ready on their 2nd birthday for this task. I waited until my child was 3 and had him toilet trained within a week:

.If possible choose a few weeks when you are not working and you and your child can spend most of that time at home

.If you wait for your child is older they will already have a good idea of when they need the toilet - they may have already started telling you when they need a poo and doing it on the toilet or potty

.Start by putting underpants on your child and explain to them that they are to tell you if they need to pee or poop

.To begin with you will have accidents and feel like your child will never get it - be patient though, continue praising them when it goes right and just calmly wipe them and change their underpants when accidents happen

.Remember to begin with it will be a very strange sensation for them and they may feel upset or afraid so lots of praise and telling them how big and grown up they are

.I would advise to keep using a potty for a while until they get used to the toilet training before you introduce the toilet

.After they have mastered the art using their underpants begin to introduce trousers to the scenario - again be patient this again is a whole new feeling and will take them time to get used to

I believe that if you wait until your child is old enough and dedicate a few weeks to this  task then you will have success in a very short space of time:

Please visit my website at:

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

Having a child that is shy can be more stressful than people realize.  I have found that a lot of the stress I felt in  with this was from other people (mostly family) yes, it is always the mother’s fault!!  In the end I had to remain strong and do what I thought was right in each situation.  Getting a balance between allowing my child the opportunity to socialize and not stressing him out too much:

.Now I made an effort to take him to social events, birthday parties etc.  Sometimes it went well and others times we spent the night sitting out in a quiet place.  Now I will be honest here and say that I did sometimes find this a bit frustrating as I had often travelled a while to get to these events and was annoyed that he would not go in.  However other children usually came out and he was quite happy to place with them outside the event but found going in too overwhelming.  I came to realize that the noise seemed to be a factor

.I began to realize that if we went somewhere I stood more chance of success if I got there before anyone else.  That way he got used to the environment and the people came in gradually so it was less scary.

.We often get frustrated when things do not go as planned and sometimes forget to praise our children when they do good.  Heap on the praise when they manage social situations well and keep reminding them how much fun they had playing with the children

.Taking my nephews to things with us also worked well as he felt safe and secure in their presence.  If their are other children they get on well with it may be possible to take them with you as it will help boost your child’s confidence.

.If your child has a tendency to be shy you will have good days and bad days in this area.  Somedays I think he has been cured and others I think I am back to square one.  You will have to call on your patience here and you will eventually make headway.  Do what you feel is right for your child and remember how wonderfully individual they are and of course ignore anyone who makes negative or insensitive comments.

Please visit my website at :

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

The best tip I could ever give a new parent is not to fall into the extravagant birthday party syndrome.  Remember when you do this at an early age it is for you not for the child.  It is easy to fall into the trap of feeling like your child is getting less than others or that you are not such a good parent as so and so because your party wasn’t  as big.  Of course we all know that is rubbish but I see parents fall into this trap all the time.

All children are different and obviously like different things so why not think about what your child will enjoy.  My advice would be for the first few years to have a small house party.  Invite close family and/or friends.  They can bring their children along and play in the house and the garden.  This takes the stress of you as it is people you are used with and find easy to talk to.

Think about what time the party is at? Who you are making the food for?  Some parties seem to be just for children others have a more adult base.  In the beginning there will be obviously be adults there with their children so make it clear  beforehand who the food is for.  When I do house parties I always take the adults into account especially if they are travelling a while to get to your house.

Now there are of course supermarket deals on party food which are sometimes quite good value and can save you a lot of work.  Stock up on paper plates and cups when you see them on special offer - usually after Christmas and Summer time.  If you find the idea of people in your house too stressful you can always check out you local hotel as they often have small rooms that they will give you quite cheaply.  They may also give you a good deal on food or let you take your own.  Village halls are also good venues for parties at a reasonable cost.  Make sure you arrive early though to put the heaters on as they can be quite chilly.  The main thing with a party is to make sure that your child and all the guest have a good time.  I think this is easier to do with a smaller number.  Your child will be at school soon enough and telling you what he wants to do and invite - save the stress and pennies now while you can!!

Please visit my website at:

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

Some children seem to cope with this better than others as with all life’s challenges.  My son was very much on the couldn’t cope with it end.  I would like to share some tips with you that worked for my nephews and most other children and also what eventually we found worked for my son:

*Bribery - take you child’s favorite sweets to the hairdresser and give it to him throughout the haircut or at the end whichever works best.  Planning to take them to a toy shop, cafe after the haircut or somewhere else they really enjoy can also work.  Keep talking about this throughout the haircut to take their mind of it.

*Praise - Make a huge fuss of them praise them before they go in and throughout the haircut.  Let them know how proud everyone will be of them

*Choose a child friendly hairdresser were there are toys for them to look at and play with.  There was one time I could not get my son to get his haircut.  We realized he was quite happy to sit in the window and play with the toys.  The hairdresser was very accommodating and cut his hair while he played - you can of course take your own toys to the hairdresser with you .

*If going to a hairdresser is too difficult for your child why not see if you can get someone to come to your home.  You may know a friend or family member who is a hairdresser or can cut hair.

*All of the above work for most children and did work for us until he got to 2 years of age.  I eventually invested in a pair of hair clippers and get his father to do it at home.  I find that he seems to be calmer when his dad does it for some reason.  I sit in the room and give his lots of praise.  I also buy him some chocolate or a toy and keep reminding him what he will get when it’s all finished.

I think it is important to say here that most children who create a scene in the hairdressers time after time are usually frightened of getting their haircut and not just being awkward as many people seem to think.

Please visit my website:

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

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