Tears, tantrums and joy

Working from home can seem like the perfect solution for parents - if you are considering this please read my pros and cons before you make up your mind:

Pros

>Work can be more flexible and fit in with your family lifestyle

>If you can work around your kids routines and your partner helps out you may not need childcare

>You will save money on childcare and travel costs - also on office rental if you are self-employed

>You may find it easier to concentrate as there are no work colleagues to distract you

Cons

>If your kids are not yet at school it may prove difficult to do your work around their routines.  They do not always stick to their routines and certainly do not understand that they can’t interrupt you while you are working

>There is of course children’s school holidays to consider also

>Visitors coming along your home and phone calls can also be an unwanted distractions

>You may find it more difficult to switch off from work and relax as it is in your own home

Working from home can be very successful for many parents.  It all really depends how many hours you are expecting to be able to work each day and how you organise your time.  You must be honest with yourself at the start and not expect yourself to perform miracles.  You cannot do a full day’s work at home while directly supervising young children.  You may be able to fit in a few hours and maybe some again at night when they are sleeping.  Partners and parents may be able to help out with childcare to allow you to work.  If your children are at the school this obviously makes working from home a more viable option.  You must organise your time well and be very disciplined as it is easy to get distracted with other things while in your own home.

Please visit my website at:

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy

Involving you child in cooking is a great way to get them to eat healthily:

>Choose a time that you can give them your undivided attention so that it is a positive experience for them - obviously if you are too busy it is not a good idea to involve them as it could be dangerous with hot cookers and sharp knifes

>You could begin by getting them to cook once a week with you that way you could set aside extra time for them to help.  Begin making the meal earlier than you normally would so that you are not rushing and can spend time helping your child with the tasks

>If there is a food they don’t like in dish this is a great way to encourage them to eat it - mushrooms in spaghetti bolognese for example

>If you have more than one child it may be an idea to allocate them different cooking days.  It can be quite tricky to find enough jobs to keep  two or more children occupied at one time

>Remember to praise them when your eating your meal and remind them that they made it - this will raise their self-esteem as well as encouraging them to eat up

This is obviously a great life skill for your child to learn and something they can build on as they get older.

Please visit my website at:

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

All children love to bake - it exciting and creative and you get something yummy to eat at the end.   Here are my top tips for successful baking:

>If you are new to baking or a bit rusty it may be an idea to bake something with your child which is just for fun.  We often nowadays tend only to bake when there is an occasions such as a school fair or some one’s birthday.  - The problem with introducing your child to baking at these times is that if you are an inexperienced baker you are already under pressure.  Add a child into this equation and it will put you of doing it again for life!!

>Make the first experience just for the fun of  it - that way you will be more relaxed - if your efforts turn out good you can give them to people if not who cares. You will learn from the experience and know how to do it better next time

>Obviously choose something simple to begin with - this will be more fun for both of you as your child can join in more

>Try some of the packet mix bakes that you can get from your local supermarket.  You may feel this is cheating but it is a great way to get you into baking and build up your confidence.  There are ones that are designed for children the great thing about these is that your child can help you with everything as they are made so simple.  The other benefit to packet mix is that you can keep it in your cupboard and use it the next rainy day as you don’t need to worry about having the right ingredients in the house.  I think the ideal scenario is to do baking from scratch and use packet mix as you can plan to bake somedays and at other times when the mood takes you then you have the flexibility of the packet mix.

Please visit my website at:

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

I think most of us are at the moment feeling the pinch of the credit crunch.  At times like these the first thing that goes out the window for parents are nights out.  We see them as luxury items and way down on our list of priorities.  Sometimes even when you do get out you find it difficult to enjoy it as you are so aware how much it is costing you.  I do believe it is very important for couple to continue having nights out together as it reminds you of why you fell in love with one another in the first place and gives you a chance to be you again and not just mum and dad.  You can however try substituting some of the nights you used to go out with a night in:

>Get someone to babysit the kids at their house

>Arrange a time for your night to begin and both go and get dressed up as you would for a night out

>Cook a meal in or get a take-away - splash out a little on a nice bottle of wine

>Sit around the table and catch up with one another’s news - play some music to keep the night upbeat

>Then you can watch a movie, do a bit of dancing, whatever takes your fancy

>Remember you are young and free tonight and you can stay up late and have a lie in tomorrow morning

This is a great way to get that together and in love feeling without having to spend a fortune.  I think these kind of nights are a must if you want to keep your relationship alive

Please visit my website at :

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

Store and supermarket shopping are a normal thing for us all to do nowadays.  The small corner and country shops are diminishing in numbers.  So too are the specialised shops such as Butchers, fish mongers, bakers etc.  The supermarkets tempt us in with all their varieties and choices.  Bargains galore are to be found on their shelves which will save you a fortune - or will they?

My supermarket bill seemed to be going up and up in recent months so I decided a bit of an experiment was in order.  I began to use my local shops more and cut out the supermarket shop for a while to see how I got on:

>I found I did save money using the local shops.  I tended to buy what I went in for and was not tempted to buy other things I was tempted into at the supermarket

>However I did not obviously have the same choice when it came to fruit and vegetables which annoyed me - the meat and fish I ate though were of superior quality

>I had to change my routine a bit in order to do my shopping at the local shops - as obviously they were not open as long as the supermarket

In the future I have decided to use my local shops more often and have found a brilliant fish van that delivers to my door every week.  I will still use my local supermarket every week for fruit and vegetable as I like the variety and freshness there - but will stick only to this lane then get out before temptation beckons.

Please visit my website at:

http://www.tearstantrumsand joy.com

Most parents I talk to nowadays feel quite guilty about the fact their children don’t socialise with other children as often as they would like.  When I was younger like most children of my era my mother was at home with us all the time.  There were lots of children around our village and very few mothers drove so we were always in the village playing with the other children.

Compare that to today’s pace of life were mothers and fathers both work.  Everyone drives and is constantly going here there and everywhere along with the declining number of children being born and you can see why things have changed.  I think it is important here to take note of the changes in society as many parents do feel guilty about this and do feel like their to blame.  I also think it is wise to remember how much you valued one to one time spent with your parents.  I would imagine if you were in a big family this was quite rare and something that we may in these times find it easier to give - so look on all the benefits of today’s society

Here are some ways to jump on the child socializing wagon:

Do any of your friends have children? Plan a time to meet up as often as you can this is a great way to keep in touch.  Meet at someone’s home, a cafe etc.

Look around your neighborhood and see is there are any parent and toddler groups

If your child has cousins he gets on with make the effort to visit them - also invite them to your house even for a sleepover if you are brave enough

Find out about events in your area for family and children - most communities have Summer fairs, Children’s Christmas parties, family nights, Sunday teas etc.  These are all great ways for your child to play with other children.

Most importantly have fun and enjoy being with your child - you are doing a good job!!

Please visit my website at:

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

Now we all know we should take regular exercise and we would all deep down love to be toned and honed to perfection.  Here are a few tips on how to do this the posh way without having to spend hours at the gym:

High Heels - If you get into the habit of wearing these even for short periods of time you will be amazed at how quick your leg muscles tone up.  When you are wearing heels your legs are exercising the whole time.  If you are not used to wearing them begin by wearing them in the house and build up your confidence to wear them outside for small periods of time.  Of course it is worth mentioning here that they can of course be bad for your feet if you wear them too often so little and often is my advice.

Shopping - This burns of tons of calories and tones you up without you even realising.  If you have lots of money to spend that is great but even if you are on a budget it is still fun trying clothes and shoes on.  Of course there is always a bargain to be found if you have a good rumage around you are sure to find one.

Clothes - We all like slobbing around occasionally in our comfy clothes.  I do however believe that we should also wear clothes that are a bit more fitted regularly.  I think this forces us to hold our stomachs in and think about our posture which in turn tones us up.

Get that high heels out your wardrobe and put on that clingy top and you will have a toned stomach and legs in no time - it really works!!

Please visit my website at:

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

Domestic chores - not my favorite words!! I wasn’t just over the moon about them pre -kids and am even less so now.  I feel like I now do ten times as much domestic chores around the house as I used to and within 10 minutes everything looks a mess again.  A bit of a thankless task!!

I have however discovered ways to motivate and inspire me to complete these mundane tasks:

Music - I have recently started listening to the radio when I’m cleaning it’s amazing how it takes your mind of what you are doing and lifts your mood.  I now dance around listening to music , debate the issues of the day and of course have a laugh with the amusing DJ’s - now I actually look forward to my radio time.  You can of course use this time to listen to your favorite CD.

Routine cleaning - If you have a routine of certain things you do on certain days it stops you feeling overwhelmed by what needs done.  Housework is an ongoing process you can always do more but you have to find a realistic level that you can stick to.  Remember you want to be able to enjoy your children and your home will never be at the standards it was pre kids.  You will have years to clean your house once they are grown up

Timed Cleaning - Another way of doing things is to set yourself a time limit.  For example decide to clean for 2 hours.  Clean as much as you can in this time then stop -  lay down whatever you are doing.  You will be amazed by how much you can get down in this time knowing there is an end in sight - combine with your favorite radio station and your husband won’t recognize the place when he gets home - voila a domestic goddess has emerged!!

Please visit my website at:

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

The most important piece of advice I can give any parent here is to wait until your child is ready.  It never ceases to amaze me how many people ignore this fundamental piece of advice.  They start trying to toilet train children far too early, the process goes on for ever and the poor child is made to feel like he is doing something wrong when in truth he does not understand what he is supposed to do.  The parent obviously gets stressed with all the extra work and frustrated that it is taking so long.  This is all done by well meaning parents who have heard that your child must start toilet training at 2.  It  is widely accepted by people that children all start talking and walking at different ages but for some reason when it comes to toilet training people still seem to believe that  their child should be ready on their 2nd birthday for this task. I waited until my child was 3 and had him toilet trained within a week:

.If possible choose a few weeks when you are not working and you and your child can spend most of that time at home

.If you wait for your child is older they will already have a good idea of when they need the toilet - they may have already started telling you when they need a poo and doing it on the toilet or potty

.Start by putting underpants on your child and explain to them that they are to tell you if they need to pee or poop

.To begin with you will have accidents and feel like your child will never get it - be patient though, continue praising them when it goes right and just calmly wipe them and change their underpants when accidents happen

.Remember to begin with it will be a very strange sensation for them and they may feel upset or afraid so lots of praise and telling them how big and grown up they are

.I would advise to keep using a potty for a while until they get used to the toilet training before you introduce the toilet

.After they have mastered the art using their underpants begin to introduce trousers to the scenario - again be patient this again is a whole new feeling and will take them time to get used to

I believe that if you wait until your child is old enough and dedicate a few weeks to this  task then you will have success in a very short space of time:

Please visit my website at:

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

Having a child that is shy can be more stressful than people realize.  I have found that a lot of the stress I felt in  with this was from other people (mostly family) yes, it is always the mother’s fault!!  In the end I had to remain strong and do what I thought was right in each situation.  Getting a balance between allowing my child the opportunity to socialize and not stressing him out too much:

.Now I made an effort to take him to social events, birthday parties etc.  Sometimes it went well and others times we spent the night sitting out in a quiet place.  Now I will be honest here and say that I did sometimes find this a bit frustrating as I had often travelled a while to get to these events and was annoyed that he would not go in.  However other children usually came out and he was quite happy to place with them outside the event but found going in too overwhelming.  I came to realize that the noise seemed to be a factor

.I began to realize that if we went somewhere I stood more chance of success if I got there before anyone else.  That way he got used to the environment and the people came in gradually so it was less scary.

.We often get frustrated when things do not go as planned and sometimes forget to praise our children when they do good.  Heap on the praise when they manage social situations well and keep reminding them how much fun they had playing with the children

.Taking my nephews to things with us also worked well as he felt safe and secure in their presence.  If their are other children they get on well with it may be possible to take them with you as it will help boost your child’s confidence.

.If your child has a tendency to be shy you will have good days and bad days in this area.  Somedays I think he has been cured and others I think I am back to square one.  You will have to call on your patience here and you will eventually make headway.  Do what you feel is right for your child and remember how wonderfully individual they are and of course ignore anyone who makes negative or insensitive comments.

Please visit my website at :

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com