Tears, tantrums and joy

Involving you child in cooking is a great way to get them to eat healthily:

>Choose a time that you can give them your undivided attention so that it is a positive experience for them - obviously if you are too busy it is not a good idea to involve them as it could be dangerous with hot cookers and sharp knifes

>You could begin by getting them to cook once a week with you that way you could set aside extra time for them to help.  Begin making the meal earlier than you normally would so that you are not rushing and can spend time helping your child with the tasks

>If there is a food they don’t like in dish this is a great way to encourage them to eat it - mushrooms in spaghetti bolognese for example

>If you have more than one child it may be an idea to allocate them different cooking days.  It can be quite tricky to find enough jobs to keep  two or more children occupied at one time

>Remember to praise them when your eating your meal and remind them that they made it - this will raise their self-esteem as well as encouraging them to eat up

This is obviously a great life skill for your child to learn and something they can build on as they get older.

Please visit my website at:

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

Having a child that is shy can be more stressful than people realize.  I have found that a lot of the stress I felt in  with this was from other people (mostly family) yes, it is always the mother’s fault!!  In the end I had to remain strong and do what I thought was right in each situation.  Getting a balance between allowing my child the opportunity to socialize and not stressing him out too much:

.Now I made an effort to take him to social events, birthday parties etc.  Sometimes it went well and others times we spent the night sitting out in a quiet place.  Now I will be honest here and say that I did sometimes find this a bit frustrating as I had often travelled a while to get to these events and was annoyed that he would not go in.  However other children usually came out and he was quite happy to place with them outside the event but found going in too overwhelming.  I came to realize that the noise seemed to be a factor

.I began to realize that if we went somewhere I stood more chance of success if I got there before anyone else.  That way he got used to the environment and the people came in gradually so it was less scary.

.We often get frustrated when things do not go as planned and sometimes forget to praise our children when they do good.  Heap on the praise when they manage social situations well and keep reminding them how much fun they had playing with the children

.Taking my nephews to things with us also worked well as he felt safe and secure in their presence.  If their are other children they get on well with it may be possible to take them with you as it will help boost your child’s confidence.

.If your child has a tendency to be shy you will have good days and bad days in this area.  Somedays I think he has been cured and others I think I am back to square one.  You will have to call on your patience here and you will eventually make headway.  Do what you feel is right for your child and remember how wonderfully individual they are and of course ignore anyone who makes negative or insensitive comments.

Please visit my website at :

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

The best tip I could ever give a new parent is not to fall into the extravagant birthday party syndrome.  Remember when you do this at an early age it is for you not for the child.  It is easy to fall into the trap of feeling like your child is getting less than others or that you are not such a good parent as so and so because your party wasn’t  as big.  Of course we all know that is rubbish but I see parents fall into this trap all the time.

All children are different and obviously like different things so why not think about what your child will enjoy.  My advice would be for the first few years to have a small house party.  Invite close family and/or friends.  They can bring their children along and play in the house and the garden.  This takes the stress of you as it is people you are used with and find easy to talk to.

Think about what time the party is at? Who you are making the food for?  Some parties seem to be just for children others have a more adult base.  In the beginning there will be obviously be adults there with their children so make it clear  beforehand who the food is for.  When I do house parties I always take the adults into account especially if they are travelling a while to get to your house.

Now there are of course supermarket deals on party food which are sometimes quite good value and can save you a lot of work.  Stock up on paper plates and cups when you see them on special offer - usually after Christmas and Summer time.  If you find the idea of people in your house too stressful you can always check out you local hotel as they often have small rooms that they will give you quite cheaply.  They may also give you a good deal on food or let you take your own.  Village halls are also good venues for parties at a reasonable cost.  Make sure you arrive early though to put the heaters on as they can be quite chilly.  The main thing with a party is to make sure that your child and all the guest have a good time.  I think this is easier to do with a smaller number.  Your child will be at school soon enough and telling you what he wants to do and invite - save the stress and pennies now while you can!!

Please visit my website at:

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

Some children seem to cope with this better than others as with all life’s challenges.  My son was very much on the couldn’t cope with it end.  I would like to share some tips with you that worked for my nephews and most other children and also what eventually we found worked for my son:

*Bribery - take you child’s favorite sweets to the hairdresser and give it to him throughout the haircut or at the end whichever works best.  Planning to take them to a toy shop, cafe after the haircut or somewhere else they really enjoy can also work.  Keep talking about this throughout the haircut to take their mind of it.

*Praise - Make a huge fuss of them praise them before they go in and throughout the haircut.  Let them know how proud everyone will be of them

*Choose a child friendly hairdresser were there are toys for them to look at and play with.  There was one time I could not get my son to get his haircut.  We realized he was quite happy to sit in the window and play with the toys.  The hairdresser was very accommodating and cut his hair while he played - you can of course take your own toys to the hairdresser with you .

*If going to a hairdresser is too difficult for your child why not see if you can get someone to come to your home.  You may know a friend or family member who is a hairdresser or can cut hair.

*All of the above work for most children and did work for us until he got to 2 years of age.  I eventually invested in a pair of hair clippers and get his father to do it at home.  I find that he seems to be calmer when his dad does it for some reason.  I sit in the room and give his lots of praise.  I also buy him some chocolate or a toy and keep reminding him what he will get when it’s all finished.

I think it is important to say here that most children who create a scene in the hairdressers time after time are usually frightened of getting their haircut and not just being awkward as many people seem to think.

Please visit my website:

http://www.tearstantrumsandjoy.com

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